


Lover's Longing

by courgette96



Series: The small fics and small fills [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor - Fandom
Genre: Community: norsekink, Disturbing Content, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Loki is way beyond a hug at this point, Madness, Masturbation, Other, Why can't I write fluff, so is Thor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-04-05 20:04:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4193133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/courgette96/pseuds/courgette96
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki has a lovely Lover. He met em in the Void.</p>
<p>Ey is coming, because ey loves him. Loki waits.</p>
<p>Thor despairs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lover's Longing

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fill for my own prompt on norsekink (again, I know).
> 
> No beta, all mistakes are mine.
> 
> After the events of Avengers, Loki is brought back to Asgard.
> 
> However, before Odin can finish A+ing him and sending him to the dungeons, Heimdall comes staggering in the throne room, looking like death warmed over. Something is coming towards Asgard, something awful. He could not bare looking at it, only saw it from the far corner of his eye, but it was enough to send him reeling.  
> Reactions go from shock to terror, but the most surprising is Loki's delight. Not evil-destruction-domination delight, but the kind you get when the person you love does something sweet.
> 
> Turns out Loki is quite mad, but no in the way he was before. Falling through the Void, he encountered non-Euclidean beings, one of which was quite charmed by this funny fleshy thing. Loki gained a new madness seeing that creature, hearing it whisper, feeling it all over him. And in that madness, he convinces himself he fell in love with it. Thanos ripped him away, but the creature followed, wanting him back. And when it comes to Asgard, it will destroy it, because of its very nature. 
> 
> The thing is, it can only truly come towards Asgard's plane is because Loki is actively welcoming it, calling to it, subconsciously or not. The moment Loki stops wanting the creature to come, it will not.  
> However, Loki has no desire to give up on what he believes is the only being in the universe that loves him.
> 
> So this situation is thus: Odin and family need to convince him that he is loved, that they are here for him and need to heal his madness, otherwise the world ends. (aka, no dumping him in the dungeons and cursing at him). 
> 
> Please, no evil!Odin, he fails at parenting when it comes to Loki but he still loves him despite all that. Also, Loki can't be too far gone, so that there's hope. (But he can still be pretty freaking far).
> 
> Bonus:  
> \+ Loki probably won't be harmed, since the creature is after him. So they can't appeal to self preservation.  
> ++ The whole time, Loki is acting giddy and love struck, babbles about the Void, what he saw and his "lover", and whoever listens to it is incredibly disturbed just hearing about it. Which makes said person question what it must be like living it.  
> +++ Loki didn't help Thanos for a throne, he did it so he could go back to his love.  
> ++++ His crimes on Midgard are completely re-evaluated, because this is a clear case for not guilty on grounds of insanity. (Especially seeing Heimdall's reaction to the mere shadow of the being).

 There are sights Thor never wishes to see. So awful, so heartbreaking that they are capable of making him believe in the darkness of the universe, of making him hold true that fate is cruel and perverse.

 A month ago he would have done anything to see his brother again. A week ago he would have given his own life blood to see Loki happy once more. Two days ago the prospect of the two of them not fighting each other would have made him weep for joy.

 But this… he never wanted this.

 The Norns are mocking him.

 Loki is sitting on the ground, knees drawn up to his chest as he lazily draws shapes against the wall. Thor would have believed him bored, if not for the adoring expression on his face.

 He steels himself. “What are you doing, brother?” he asks against his better judgement. Selfishly, he does not wish to know, does not want to know. But this is Loki, and he needs help, Asgard needs help.He refuses to turn away.

 “I am trying to draw eir shape,” he answers dreamily. “I never knew it completely. Centuries and moments in the Void, in em, ey in me until I chocked and laughed and died anew…” He sighs happily. “So Impossible…”

 And oh, does that answer make him want to weep. Time is different in the Void, that he knows, and he also knows how arbitrary it is. Loki’s ordeal could have lasted but moments, had luck been on his side. But fate is cruel, and instead he fell for a long time, and landed in the grasp of a creature who defeated Heimdall with a glance.

 He clenches his fists. “That hardly sounds pleasant, does it?”

 If he could only reason with Loki, make him see…

 His brothers hums. “Are you jealous, brother?”

 Whatever answer Thor had expected, this wasn’t it. “Jealous? I… Why…?”

 “Because I love em and not you.” Finally Loki’s eyes turn towards him, so bright with delight and love it makes Thor’s heart break. “You were always so greedy, always wanting me to love you, be at your side and behind you all at once.” His eyes glaze over. “Ey can do that, you know? From all sides, filling me up, not touching me. Nothing at all, far too much…” He lips pull in a vacant smile. “I’d beg…”

 Thor exhales shakily. “Brother, I…”

 That seems enough to snap Loki back into focus. “I found someone who isn’t you, and you are jealous.”

 “But you did not find him, Loki!” Thor protests, trying desperately to hold onto his calm. “You fell…”

 “Oooooh!” It is an awful sound his brother makes, half realization and half a long moan. (Thor cannot tell if it is from pain or…. Or something else that makes him nauseous.)

 Loki tosses his head back. “Yes, yes ey found me.” He falls to the side and rolls onto his back, hands crossed over his heart.

 His brother is gushing.

 “I was alone, and it was so dark, and I was wishing for something, anything to fill the emptiness. And then ey came.” His face grows pensive. “Then it was too crowded, and I saw too much, and I wanted to scream, but there was no air and ey had replaced it…” He turns his head towards Thor, bearing the same teasing smirk he would flash when they were children. “You should be jealous of me Thor, for I have eir love and you do not.”

 “I don’t want such love! Look at what it has done to you!” Thor yells, before wincing. This isn’t right, he doesn’t wish to fight his brother. That isn’t what he came here to do. (He came here to stop Loki from calling the creature forth, but that seems like such a foolish dream now). “It shattered you,” he whispers brokenly.

 “Yes,” Loki agrees quietly. Thor’s breath hitches, hope filling him that maybe he has managed to reach him, maybe his brother isn’t completely lost, maybe…

 But then Loki grins, and that hope is shattered. “It was important that I shatter. My mind like dust, broken and free, to let em in and embrace em in turn.”

 “Loki…”

 But his brother isn’t hearing him anymore, and talks and talks still as his grin grows wider. “Eir embrace, do you know what that’s like? Light and crushing, wet smoke caressing around me and dissolving into ashes in my lungs. Ey would speak, like rot and crows, and I could feel those lovey birds crawling under my skin.”

 “I could not speak, because there was nothing but em in my lungs, but there was no need. Ey felt everything, I knew, every scream and gasp echoed in the clench of my bowels. My stomach, sinking so low, low, low and I would fall, fall, fall.” His hands inch down, slowly caressing the sides of his waist. “Ey was catching me,” he breathes in wonderment. "Ey always cached me"

 The hands drift lower and lower still. Loki moans, obscenely, and there can be no more doubt about the intent behind such a sound. “Eir voice shaping words – you know how dearly I love words, brother – words I did not understand, but were drums and stings and whimpers and shouts.” His hands find their goal then, start teasing before the pumping grows more vigorous , and Thor should look away, should do _something_ , but he cannot, he… “Neither hands nor tongues, but oh how deep eir strokes! There is no weight in the Void, no pull, so even after I gave all that I had, as my offering poured out of me, remains would stay and stain.” Loki gasps. “Covered in myself, and so in em, and I –”

 “Brother!” Thor begs, it is all he can do not to fall to his knees, and it is the greatest mercy when Loki finally stops. (But it changes nothing, Thor thinks angrily at himself, because he no longer has to hear it, but that does not mean Loki hasn’t lived it, hasn’t been twisted and ripped apart until what was left of his sanity was crushed under such horror.) “…you are crying.”

 Loki raises a confused eyebrow even as his grin remains in place, raises a hand beneath his eyes to find the stream of tears that still falls. He collects a few with the tip of his fingers, before holding them in front of his face and examining them thoughtfully. He pouts. “Why don’t you wish for me to be happy?”

 Because you are not, Loki! You are broken, mad, and it is my fault, because I wasn’t there and I did not see… “Asgard, nay Yggdrasil is in peril. The creature is coming, and will destroy all when it does.”

 It is coming because you wish it to. It is answering your call, following a trail you leave for it to find. Stop desiring it, brother, and all will be saved.

 But Thor, Father, and Mother had attempted to make Loki understand that, to no avail.

 “Why should you worry?” His brother asks in dreamy contentment, eyes closing. “ _I_ did so well in eir care. If you could make yourself love by em, ey would take care of you as well.”

 Thor does not answer just yet, feeling so drained and empty. To think there was a time when he thought he had been able to save anything. “Is that why you believe it is coming? You believe it loves you?”

 Loki looks at him one more time, and his reply is adoration, bitterness and accusation all at once.

 “Of course. _Ey_ would never let go of me.”

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know, I just can't write anything fluffy....
> 
> This is just a little something I wrote in between my big WIPs. Just a little dive into the twisted before I go back into the unhealthy. You know the deal.^^


End file.
